After spending many an evening in Baskin Robbins getting far too intimate with my Twinberry Cheesecake, one of my friends casually pointed out that the clientele of Baskin Robbins is usually 90% female, making it a prime spot for picking up a girl.
How did I never notice this before?
I managed to remove myself from the seven minutes of heaven I was having with my ice-cream, promptly agreed with him on the number of girls in Baskin Robbins, and decided it is a great place to pick up girls. It’s less intimidating than a bar, and the only guys in there are with girls, so you can just hit on their girlfriends. Which is fine, right?
Times are hard, you’re going through a dry patch (and I know how tough that can be). What with the recession still hitting and the weather getting colder, it seems like all is lost. But today, you’re in luck. We had an epiphany over a parfait and decided to share this infinite wisdom to save you from being perpetually single, fawning over girls at the bar and stinking of tequila, with blueberry Sourz down your brand new Yves Saint Laurent shirt you bought for the occasion.
I didn’t meet my girlfriend in Baskin Robbins, it was at a Galbi place, and she already knew my friends. But still, I think I’m qualified enough to write this list.
1. Pretend you need with help with Korean. Make them think you’re an incredibly vulnerable foreigner, like a baby bird who needs to be taught how to fly and needs the help of a Korean to master some incredibly complex grammar point.
2. Get a Cyworld account and get to know a girl online before setting up an ice-cream date. Cyworld is Korean Facebook. Facebook = 21st century cyber romance. Cyworld = 21st century cyber romance with a Korean girl. You can drop all your smoothest lines to make them like your personality first. Snare them and seduce them via emoticons before they realise they’re far too hot for you and that your hairy monkey back is not cool.
3. Be interested in K-pop, TV dramas, hating Japan, and taking girlfriends to nice restaurants. And Baskin Robbins OBV. You have to have shared interests, or at least she has to think you have shared interests. Otherwise it’ll never work out.
4. Play the role of the confident, dominant kind of guy (or girl, if that’s what floats your boat). But not too much – you have to like matching hoodies and romantic trips to Namiseom Island too.
5. Be a hipster. It’s 2011 and we’re in Korea. Who doesn’t like a good lenseless glasses wearing hipster who spends their weekends drinking lattes in a cafe while working on a film script on their Macbook? “Oh darling this latte is just fabulous and my film script is hilarious, I’m going to be the next Woody Allan.” Nuff” said.
6. Bite the bullet. To quote Good Charlotte and their poetic wisdom, “girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money”. Buy a Rolex, a Dior suit, and some Chanel aftershave. But not too much aftershave – you don’t want to evacuate Baskin Robbins. This isn’t Germany in 1945. Or a Lynx advert.
7. Be stealthy. If there is the odd guy in there, he’s probably with his girlfriend. This is not problematic: this is where the classic underground psychological pick-up techniques as advocated by totally bald Neil Strauss come in. Go make friends with him first, then get his girlfriend’s number. It’s basic psychology, people…
8. Stalker heaven = a self-respecting female’s hell. Don’t give off stalker vibes, don’t give off super creepy ‘I hide out in the bushes taking photos of girls in the shower’ vibes. Nobody likes to casually pick up a stalker whilst enjoying a tasty Cookies ‘n Cream. It just ruins a Monday.
9. Post an ad on Craigslist for a language exchange? Meet in Baskin Robbins? Worth a try. Just make sure you’re not meeting a hairy guy called Dave who grooms children. Could be awkward.
10. Just throwing this out there as a final point. Now you have my top nine handy hints and tips to make picking up a girl in Baskin Robbins feasible, don’t take that to mean you can break up in Baskin Robbins. Baskin Robbins is a place of rainbows, tasty ice-creams, puppies, kittens, and happiness. Save the break-up for a text. Or if you’re more considerate, Starbucks.
Time to get your stalker-free charm on and get a Korean wife in Baskin Robbins.