Since it’s that time of year when a multitude of shiny new native English teachers begin descending on Korea in droves, we thought we’d share some tips mostly gleaned from real life experiences. They will be helpful and you’ll thank us later.

1. Don’t touch the children. That’s illegal, even in Korea.

2. Don’t let your co-teacher give the kids your phone number. They will send you weird messages.

3. Don’t leave school when the kids are still there. They will follow you home. Then be upset that they can’t come into your apartment.

4. Don’t get in the car with the creepy maths teacher. He will try to bully you into joining the swimming club because “then lots of man teachers will join swim team too! Because they want to see you!! So swim team will win!!!”

5. Don’t go to Caribbean Bay with your co-teacher. They will get naked in the changing room afterwards and you will never be able to look them in the eye ever again. At least not without getting flashbacks of their crotch.

6. Don’t mention Japan. Or – God forbid – say, “Dokdo is Japanesuhhhh!”

7. Don’t question the school dinners. What? I’m eating fish heads and crushed up chairs? Did you say dog??

8. Don’t get caught out on Sports Day not knowing the Korean synchronized stretching regime. The head of sports might think it’s funny to draw attention to the fact that you look like a drug-addled Bambi on ice. In Korean. Through a microphone. In front of the entire school.

9. Don’t freak out if you have a chronic fear of seafood and have to sit through colleagues eating at your first teachers’ meal. You will be okay. Stay calm and take deep breaths, Oldboy isn’t real.

10. Don’t let any of the kids take a photo with you while you’re stuck on a ferry. They will all want one for their Cyworld profiles/ screensavers/ to show their parents, and will start forming a queue. You’ll be there for hours, arms and face aching from making the peace sign and grinning like a loon.

Got any more suggestions and/ or warnings? Leave them in the comments belowwwwww.

Photos from the lovely Poppie. .

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